Looking back on the past

I enjoy listening to music. I play my Christian CDs and my Irish CDs and other times I listen to KLOVE, a radio station that plays Christian contemporary songs. I don't feel as lonely during the day when I have music on.

A few months ago I was switching through stations because KLOVE was not coming in clear. I heard a song I had not heard in a long time so I listened for a while. As it turned out, it was an oldie's station and I was shocked that I remembered every song...I guess music from the 70's and 80's is now considered oldie's!

After I got over the shocking realization that I must be an "oldie" myself, I continued to listen and enjoyed hearing the songs again. For me, most times these songs bring back memories of what was going on in my life back when it was popular. I found myself thinking about the plans I had for my life and then thinking about how it actually worked out. My life turned out so different than the way I wanted it to. I started feeling sad and restless.

I was very bummed out for a few weeks. I felt like nothing was "worth it" anymore. I wanted to go back in time to a place where I was happy and had a lot to look forward to. As it turned out, an old friend called and we got together for lunch. We talked about the "olden days" and how our lives had worked out. She has 2 school age kids and I am already a grandma! We really didn't have much in common anymore and that made me feel even worse.

I decided after a few weeks that I needed to stop thinking about the past. I turned the radio back to KLOVE and I heard a new song named Blink by a group named Revive. It talks about enjoying the time you have now instead of just thinking about the past and how "it could have been". The refrain spoke to my heart;

"slow down, slow down
before today becomes our yesterday
slow down, slow down
before you turn around and its too late"

I realized that I didn't enjoy the "now" when I was young. I just wanted to grow-up and be on my own as fast as I could. My friend had done that and consequently, when we talked at lunch she had lots of good memories and even though I was with her during these good times, I really didn't remember them. I realized that I had wished my life away.

I have been praying that God would help me to just slow down and "smell the roses". I have a tendency to go through my life one crisis at a time and always be on the lookout for the next crisis so that maybe I can nip it in the bud. I am not happy and I honestly do not enjoy anything because I don't allow myself to. I need to make this change in my life not only for myself and my health, but also so that I can show non-believers that I am trusting in the Lord and that I have joy. I think that people today are looking for peace, joy and contentment but, they don't know where to find it. I want to be a witness for Christ and if people see these qualities in my life, maybe I will have an opportunity to share my faith with them.