My husband’s journey and my own…

I have many thoughts about this past sixteen days during which Ryan has been in Africa. I have missed him so much. I can’t say that I enjoyed the time without him. It has been hard. However I do think that God used the time to open my eyes to some things that I didn’t see or maybe just didn’t appreciate as much before. He opened my eyes to the kindness and concern in so many of the ladies from church who offered an encouraging word, a loving rebuke, a shoulder to cry on, and many prayers on my behalf and on Ryan’s (as well as the other men on the trip). He opened my eyes to the reality that no matter what plans He has for me, that He designs His plans for my good and His glory in perfect unity. Though I have been taught this before, I didn’t realize how much I question this truth whenever my “world” is upset. He reminded me over the course of these past two weeks that He is not a vengeful God to His children, looking for an opportunity to smack them when they show weakness or sinful tendencies; but rather delighting in training them for their good and because it glorifies Him as our wonderful Heavenly Father, to be a good Father.

I was also able to see that there are some things that I just wouldn’t be able (or willing) to do when my husband is home, such as staying up till midnight painting and sanding and moving furniture for a week and a half straight (and as such I wouldn’t have accomplished as much as I did). If he were home I would have sat around relaxing with him and enjoying his presence and getting not much done (his colorblindness really hinders him from helping with the painting!). So I am thankful for how much God allowed me to get done.

I was reminded of so many of the little things that I take for granted and sometimes overlook (such as the ability to converse about our day without a time limit). But here is one neat thing that the Lord opened my eyes to: my husband actually does understand me and seeks to “live with his wife in an understanding way”! I often misinterpret this verse to mean that he should know my preferences and do sweet things that would minister specifically to me, like buy me roses and loving cards. But this past few weeks I saw instead that my husband actually knows my needs and my weaknesses and he does his very best to lead and guide me (not just his wife in the general sense but me: Betsy) in the way that will help me to become more like Christ. The way he loves me and lives with me is very unique to who I am. He does not interact with me the same way other men may interact with their wives, because I am not the same person as those other women. I am unique and he sees me (praise God) as a gift from God, and so he trys to understand me as God would have him, and then love, lead and teach me in the way that God would have him. Lord help me to rejoice in Your leadership of me through my husband and not to be motivated by a love of self!

How stupid I can be in my self-centered reasoning, but how kind God is to use times like these to reveal His ongoing kindness and provision! Praise God for His work in the hearts of His children! He is so gracious and merciful. I hope that when (Lord willing) my husband returns home that he will find a “newer” Betsy; one who is more helpful, joyful, humble, grateful and submissive; one who gladly accepts her husband’s leadership. May my heart be like my house: daily being made over on the inside and looking more beautiful than ever!