Sarahs children

Continuing my thoughts on marriage... in 1 Peter 3:1-6 God tells us wives: "Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct. Do not let your adorning be external- the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear- but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious. For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands, as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. And you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening.

I have been thinking about vs. 6 lately... especially how it says that we will be Sarah's children if we do good and don't fear anything frightening. I have heard different versions of this that say things like "don't fear anthing fearful" or "don't fear what the world fears". It was that last phrase that really got me thinking. What is it that the world fears? For my part, I see (and feel!) that the "world" (especially women) fear not being beautiful enough, not being sexy enough, betrayal, unhappiness, having problems with their children, being alone, being unappreciated, being unable to express themselves, being unhonored and disrespected, etc. The list goes on and on. It was pointed out to my discipleship class recently that the author acknowledges that these things are frightening. However Christian women are reminded that we are to chose to not give in to the temptation to fear, but rather we are to be marked by a hope in God that sees beyond the "maybes" and "probablies" and the worldly wisdom, to the great God who is in control and lovingly holding us in His hand. We are to believe His promises for our lives and the truths that God has declared regarding what is beautiful, precious and proper for holy women and then we are to "do good". We are to act out our hope in God by showing our husbands respect ("calling him lord") and living fearlessly in a day and age when women are wearing their fear filled hearts on their "sleeves". I know that my own fears can have a tendency to cause strife, contentions and stress in my own marriage; so this verse really hits home with me and yet is such a blessing to me. It holds such promise for me! God is faithful! God wants me to hope in Him (even with the really scary things like submission and my husband)! He will bless me as I trust in Him!

So what will that fearless living look like in my life? How about in your life? May we walk in fearless hope in God; for "He who did not spare His own Son but gave Him up for us all, how will He not also with Him graciously give us all things?" (Romans 8:32)

Honoring Jesus

I heard a woman complaining about Jesus the other day. She said horrible things, awful things. She said things like, " He is so ungrateful. He never helps me at all. I work and serve him all day long. I give up my own desires to please him and does he ever thank me? No. And he never compliments me either. He never even notices how nice I am to him. He doesn't see when I try to look nice for him. He doesn't even care. And he never does the things I ask him to. He is always so busy doing the things that he wants to. In fact he's lazy. He sits around and wastes time while I do all of the real work. I take care of my kids. I take care of my house. I make sure everything is clean and nice. Do I ever get a day off? No. All he does is demand things of me. He tells me what to do and how he wants it done. He's so bossy. So I try to do what he tells me; I give it my best, and how does he reward me? He ignores me! When was the last time he gave me pretty flowers or spent time paying attention to me? When was the last time that he really appreciated me? I deserve better!" On and on she went. I couldn't believe my ears! How dare she talk that way! Then a few days later I heard her crying. She was so sad. She sounded so lost and lonely and pitiful. She told me all about how miserable she was. How badly she was suffering because of all those things she had told me about. At first I felt really bad for her, but then I realized that she was so wrong! She shouldn't be saying such things about Jesus! She was thinking about things all wrong!

Have you ladies ever heard any women talk about Jesus this way? No?
Well how about their husbands?
Wait a minute (one might say), my husband is NOT Jesus. It's not the same. And that's true. My husband isn't Jesus either.

Scripture says, "Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands." Ephesians 5:22-24 "... and let the wife see that she respects her husband" Eph. 5:33b

You see, I must confess that this woman was me. I had given in to my sinful old flesh and was having a complaining party in my mind. I was being selfish, self-deceiving, bitter, prideful, and angry. But then my new heart was listening and was sending warning signals to my mind. Then the Spirit was so kind to remind me that I was to love and respect my husband as if he were Jesus, Himself. So when I think unloving, disrespectful, ungrateful thoughts about my husband, it's just like as if I were thinking those thoughts about Jesus! Plus since God is sovereign, when I get angry with my husband I am also getting angry with God because of what He allowed to happen. So when I have a sinful attitude toward my husband, I have a sinful attitude toward God. Wow.. that's alot of sin! In light of all of this, I could see that it was so wrong of me to allow myself to give in to those sinful, fleshly thoughts and ungrateful attitudes. I had to confess my sins to God (and Ry because I knew that I had acted out my sinful attitudes) and repent of them! Praise God that He forgives sin and truly does give us the strength to follow Him!

So now I ask you ladies... have you heard anyone lately (even in the quietest voice in the back of their mind?) talking about Jesus in that way? How about their husbands? Or maybe their future husband, etc....

Isn't life so much better when we can focus on the beauty of Jesus and the grace and mercy that He has shown us, through submitting to Him and following His gospel call to be His bride? Isn't life so much better when we can focus on the beauty of Jesus at work in our husbands and live out the beauty of the gospel through respecting and joyfully submitting to our husband?

Dear Jesus, help us to love You more and submit to our husbands and reverence them as the wonderful men that you will make them in Your good timing, when You conform them to Your image.

Wisdom For The Young Ladies I Love so Dearly... Not My Wisdom of Course

Dear young ladies,I know some of you are discouraged, thinking you will never get married. You may be thinking your standards are too high. I'm pretty sure they're not. But for some reason as time passes you begin to lower the standard for a suitor.

Remember this, keep your eyes firmly fixed upon the author and finisher of your faith. Delight yourself in Him. Drink deeply of the pure milk of the word, hold fast to the faith and serve fervently, using your singleness for His glory; believing it to be a gift... at least for the time being!

Pray and think about the little pearls of wisdom regarding what kind of man you should allow to pursue you, here, and consider Dr. John Piper's answer to the question "should I date someone whose theology is different?" here.

I have seen too many young women put themselves through more pain than was necessary through foolish decisions in regard to men. Marriage is great gift. I love being married to Rick. I think very highly of God's gift of marriage. But marriage is a very serious, very sobering thing. It should not be taken lightly. You are a sinner, and someday Lord willing, you will marry a sinner. Conflict resolution and forgiveness is something you will learn much about no matter who you marry. So, there is no reason to compound that with an unbelieving, foolish, arrogant, or unfaithful man. God blesses those who do things His way. Trust Him! He knows the desires of your heart (which you should be pouring out to Him). He gives good things to His children. Do not make your life a hedge of thorns by being so desperate for a man (when God is sufficient) that you hastily rush into a relationship with someone because he's cute, funny, smart, successful, charming... whatever, fill in the blank, but he is missing the essentials like a grasp and love of the gospel, love and devotion to Jesus Christ, humility or a commitment to the body.

God has greatly blessed me. I can testify to the grace and goodness of God in married life. I wasn't sure how to say this. My marriage to Rick was an act of faith in my Lord who made me and I believed/believe blesses obedience. I am a far worse sinner than most of you know. And we are sinners saved by grace through faith and not of ourselves, (nothing to boast in) just like other children of the King. But I saw the qualities you will see in those links! He was/is a man desperate for God. I saw the gospel of Jesus Christ as the driving force in his life. I saw a passion for God's people unlike any I had seen. And girlies, I have not been disappointed! God is good. Yes, there are conflicts. No, he isn't perfect. But, he is quick to resolve conflict God's way. We have the same vision and desire for our family. We are are devoted to the same person, Jesus! So, our lives are headed in the same direction! We have a joyous marriage that we have both said has been better than we could have imagined it. Maybe we have low standards...

Do not presume upon God's grace in the area of men. This is serious stuff. Please consider the wisdom in those blogs. Consider the godly advice of your parents and others. Do not be wise in your own eyes. Consider your path (Proverbs 5:6). Wait on the Lord. It will be worth it! I didn't have to wait long. But, I can testify that my short wait was worth it.

Love ya!

Happy Anniversary Rick!

Today Rick and I are rejoicing in the Lord for 9 years of marriage... that's right, today is our anniversary. The past 9 years have brought many changes, joys, and trials. All have strengthened our faith in our great God, and been a testimony that Jesus truly is the One who has been the beginning, center and continuing uniter in our marriage. We have been asked if we have something that we "do" together that keeps us close, and honestly Rick is a busy guy, there isn't a whole lot that we do activity wise together. We have no set date nights... we try. We have no set family night... ideal, but doesn't fit in the schedule to well ( we do what we can, as often as we can, as time will allow). But we have Jesus and we have His body and we are devoted to them together because we cannot separate Jesus from His body, the Church. And, folks our marriage has thrived without consistent date nights and family outings . Notice I said thrived, not survived. We are not in survival mode. Our marriage is growing and we have nothing to boast in but God! We have wept together, laughed, prayed, and struggled; not alone, but together with God. I say all this to encourage those who think family life must be structured a certain way. It does need to be structured around Jesus and according to His word, not man made rules and expectations. I have to remind myself of that. So, if your husband wants to do something for sake of Jesus Christ that will take him away from home a little more, take a leap of faith with him, join him and journey together. I want to give 9 things that I have observed about my husband that I am growing to appreciate, respect and see as the important stuff that causes our family to thrive. The limit of 9 is to commemorate the 9 years we have been together.

1. It is obvious to me and our children that he loves and follows Jesus.

2. He loves me without expectations for me to change or respond to him in certain ways.

3. He doesn't just teach the Bible to me and the children, it actually affects his decisions, actions and attitudes.

4. I have seen him weep and pray over Gods' people with glorious hope; rather than anger and bitterness.

5. He is quick to observe Gods' grace in people, he sees their strengths and does not define them by their weaknesses. He tells me if an elder does define someone exclusively by there weaknesses it is destructive not only to that person, but to the elder.

6. He has consistently proven he will do hard things, if he deems it God glorifying. Such as, moving in all your in-laws, bringing rebellious teens in the home, working three jobs to make ends meet, going back to school to finish his Masters for the sake of becoming a more equipped shepherd.

7.He is extremely self-critical, which means he is very approachable and willing to hear a person out.

8. He is slow to speak and quick to listen.

9. He hates his sin and is longing to be holy.

All this by God's grace has been the big factors in having a thriving family; not date nights and family outings!

I love you babe, thank you for loving me. Happy Anniversary!

For the Empty Nesters

Each season of life has its own set of challenges and the 'empty nest' season I’m sure is no different. I have heard of more marriages ending during this time than during the child bearing years. Though it’s hard to imagine going through the empty nest (oh, having a quiet home, no one barging into bathroom while I’m in there, and skipping a meal here and there…), I’ve been told on more than one occasion that these times of having little children around will be greatly missed and I will be wishing they were back!! So I trust what they say is true…and try not to complain too much... :)

But for those of us with young children still, how can we prepare for that season, that Lord willing (in a good way), sooner or later will come? And for those of you whom are already peaking at it, and of course, those of you whom are already there, how do you get beyond the loneliness?

Well, I stumbled across this interview Nancy Leigh DeMoss did with Barbara Rainey and Susan Yates the authors of the book Barbara & Susan’s Guide to the Empty Nest. I found it very helpful, again, not just for those of you already there, but for us looking at it from the benches.

There are two parts, both quite lengthy but worth your while:

Facing the Empty Nest as a Couple

Navigating New Seasons

Good day from me and the other three chics.

“It’s Not a Tumor, It’s a Baby!!”

At 47 years of age most women are anticipating the empty nest, or perhaps even grand- children, but in my mother’s case she was well on her way to having yet another baby, and did I mention she had 8 children already?! After having had eight children my mother claims that her tenth pregnancy went unnoticed…She said her stomach was growing, but figured-- it was a tumor, because there was no movement and for all practical purposes she couldn’t have been pregnant…! Eventually she got scared and went to see the doctor (for the first time mind you, she had never seen a doctor for any of her previous pregnancies), and her doctor gave her the news and let’s just say; it was not what she was expecting. Her stomach was growing alright, but not because of a tumor, but because a baby was well on its way!! The doctor (as my mom recalls) had a hard time convincing her that she was expecting…and not a mass of tissue, but a bundle of work…and who could blame her?! Her husband was a full blown alcoholic unable to support his family, which made her depend mostly on her grown sons to help her support her very young crowd still living at home. Although shocked and shaken by the news, she pressed on and gave me a chance at living.

I hope I never have to find out what it means to have a child at 47 years of age. But over the years my view and appreciation for my mother has drastically changed. As a child I didn’t like being asked “why does your mother looks more like your grandmother?” As a teenager I tried to make my mother as small a part of my life as I could. Shame and awkwardness are a better description of our relationship growing up. With time and years of watching her devotion to not only her children but to her husband (though a hindrance at times), my own experiences as a mother, and of course, the Holy Spirit, I have been allowed to see how dear and precious she truly is to me. I’m blessed to still have her. She used to tell me that she wouldn’t make it to my 15th birthday…not only did she make it, but she now watches me watch my own children and imitate the hard work she so faithfully thought me.

Every year when it comes time to celebrate how much older I’m getting; I just want to celebrate her, not me! I’m reminded of the strength and the courage that it must’ve taken to see that pregnancy through and the extra hard work she had to endure in the years that followed. But more importantly, I am reminded of our good Shepherd, the odds were against me, but He went after me and found me. I just pray He goes looking for my mom too. Amen.

Fine Tuning Submission:

Recently my husband and I talked (again) about submission. He pointed out how submission to God and him involves a lot of humility, trust in God, and tiny little choices. Let me give you a little personal background information. I am generally a reserved person. I laugh and smile a lot in everyday situations, but when it comes down to a tense situation I tend to withdraw into myself and “go real quiet”. I am generally not a loud person and I really try hard not to say something that I’ll regret later, so I tend to clamp down my mouth, when in a confrontational situation or when I am displeased with a situation. This is especially how I react to my husband when I am frustrated or have my feelings hurt or am fearful, etc. He may ask what is wrong and my common response is that I am “having thoughts”. He’ll ask what kind of thoughts and I’ll tell him that I dealing with some things before the Lord and don’t want to talk about it just yet. (I am not saying this is a God honoring reaction, but it made sense to me until recently.)

Now here’s my reasoning for such a response. I am frustrated with him and don’t want to start an argument. I know that I am reacting (internally) with a sinful attitude and so am trying to confess that to God and “deal with it”, without blame shifting things towards my husband. And I will admit that sometimes I am holding onto that sinful response and excusing it, but I don’t want to outwardly admit it… so I subconsciously punish my husband through my silence. (That one is the hardest one to admit.)

Ryan challenged me. He said that I am contradicting God’s word as well as my own advice given to others. He pointed out how God calls us to confess and repent. And he said that we are not called to fight sin on our own. God says that we need other believers to help us and hold us accountable. Regarding the confession and repentance, he said that it is simple and goes something like this… “Ryan I am struggling with feelings of fear, distrust, and subsequent anger towards you. I know that it is sinful and shows that I do not trust God or you. Would you please forgive me?“ At which point he may choose to discuss the particulars of what is tempting this sinful reaction, or maybe he’ll pray with me, etc. Then I am called to actively repent of those sins through prayer, meditation on scripture, and various other “put-offs” that the bible calls us to. The feelings don’t change right away, but the fight is on to submit them to God’s will in a way that God will bless. But Ryan counseled that you don’t try to win the battle first and then confess. (At that rate, you will probably forget that you are in a battle and move on without ever having dealt with the sin fully before God and man. Or once you finally do get your feelings under control or just plain masked, you’ll forget to go back and confess.)

However, what I have been doing is trying to repent first and hopefully confess later. I have been trying to take those pride-based hurt feelings as well as my fears (distrust in God and not “believing all things” about my husband 1 Cor 13:7) to God before confessing my sin to my husband. In the meantime, I have reacted to my husband with various evidences of my displeasure, frustration, etc… and all the stuff that has been going through my head/heart (though it has not come out of my mouth) has effectively been communicated to my husband through my facial expression, body language, sometimes a sigh or sound of disgust, etc. So I have still acted out sinfully toward my husband, but in a way that I can rationalize or try to justify. (It sounds really holy when I say that I am giving my husband the silent treatment because I am praying over my own sin, don’t you think?) Plus, let me just say that when I am “dealing with it silently” I am less likely to go back and seek forgiveness for all those quiet “respectable” sins, because I haven’t technically sinned outwardly (or so the self-righteous would have you believe). How much have I really repented when I am still too prideful to humbly seek forgiveness? Not enough.

Plus this is ultimately a prideful way of “fighting sin”… which means that it won’t work because you can’t fight sin with sin. Why do I say that it’s a prideful way of fighting sin? Because in the above scenario, I am trying to cut my husband (my God given authority) out of the picture and “go it alone”. At the heart of the matter, I don’t want to tell him about my sin. As much as I hate to admit this, I kind of like thinking that I’m holy enough to deal with it on my own. (Whoa, there’s some dangerous thinking!) And while I’m quietly (or not so quietly) “waging war against the flesh” my husband is squirming under my silent mistreatment of him; so I get a bit of revenge too. This paints a really ugly picture of my sin, ladies and that’s what it is. But I suspect that I am not the only lady out there who is doing these same things and deceiving herself into thinking that it’s a God honoring reaction, just as I was.

So why is this a lack of submission? Because God in His sovereignty has given me authority. I am not some autonomous being able to think and act as I please. Nor are my thoughts (and facial expressions) my own to do with as I please. I am called to fully submit to my husband, which includes my thoughts and struggles, etc. When Ryan asks what is wrong, I don’t get to hold back a part of myself and say that I am not going to tell him. Nope, it’s all his: my mind, my body, everything. He will give an account to God for me someday, and I am going to really make it a bad experience for him if I am harboring sin in my mind and won’t submit that aspect of my life to him.

So the main point here is that I need to submit fully to my husband. That includes being open about my sin and struggles, so that he can help me fight the sin which so “easily entangles us”. And it also means that I have to recognize the “small sins” (such as pride, frustration, fear and even the silent treatment) as sin, and be willing to confess first and then promptly begin the process of repentance (now with the help and prayers of my husband). God will bless us when we submit to Him, His ways and His sovereignly placed authority such as our husbands! May we fight the good fight in the way that God has ordained it to be fought and as such won! God bless.

9 Years Ago ....

The 4th of July is very special to me for many reasons. Betsy made some very good points about our country that I can say Amen to. It was a good time to rejoice with my church family and meditate on our eternal relationship where we will someday be rejoicing forever before our Lord and savior, Jesus Christ.

This day is also a neat day for me because 9 years ago on this very day, Rick and I were engaged. It was a Sunday. Rick asked me to go out to lunch with him after church and a little to my surprise it was to be just the two of us. Normally we went with his family, friends, or over to my house with my family. I remember going to Applebees and talking about going down to the lake to see the fireworks with the rest of the church. Afterward we went back to church so I could pick up my car and go home, but when I got out of his car he asked me to take a walk with him around the neighborhood and I agreed. We walked for a bit and then headed back to the church parking lot. All I know is before we reached the parking lot I had a ring on my finger and we were talking about when to set the date for the wedding!

We ended up going to my house to talk to my family , then to his parents to reveal the news. We were greeted at his parents house by his brothers, their families and if memory serves me, a few families from church. After all the picture taking and talking we went over to the Henry's to tell them our news and then on to the Stocker's. It was a pretty full day before we finally got to the fireworks. By the time we got there everybody knew and many were shocked, because although we never intended our courtship to be a secret, very few people were aware of it. We had been courting for all of 5 months. But that's a story for another day! We were married 3 months later and we have been able to look back and rejoice in the God who brought us together.

So for me these last nine years, Independence Day has not only been a day to celebrate our God given freedoms in this country but a day to reflect and rejoice in God giving me the best guy a girl can ask for!

It's fireworks everyday for me! :)

How Your Husband/Fiancé Proposed…Contest!!

Alisha’s bridal shower devotion from Jasmine got me thinking about weddings. I love weddings! They’re interesting events…two completely different families coming together (or not) for one common purpose…to celebrate the union of two souls!! The couple…well, let’s just say the honeymoon sometimes seems to have started at the wedding, and that can either be the most romantic thing you’ve ever seen or the last thing you’ve ever wanted to watch.

But before one can get to say ‘I do’ some guys have gone through a great deal of trouble to make sure that they proposed in a very unforgettable way or maybe you just can’t forget about it because he didn’t go through the trouble….Either way, we would love to hear about how your husband or fiancé proposed marriage to you.

For those of you who are single we welcome any story you have permission to share.

We will pick our favorites and post them here the week of July 8th.

We ask that you please submit your article by Friday, July 5th, to our e-mail at truewomenblog@gmail.com, and include pictures if you can.

Our grand prize giveaway will be one of these books:

Passion and Purity by Elizabeth Elliot
OR
Passionate Housewives Desperate for God by Jennie Chancey and Stacey McDonald. Here are reviews of the books.

Are You Like Coming Home To a Celebration?

Some people wanted the written form of my devotion that I did at Alisha's ( Mike Miller's fiance) bridal shower. So here it is......

Psalm 128:3- Your wife shall be like a fruitful vine within your house. (Read the whole text)) In Psalm 128 the wife is compared to a vine, she is like a vine. This is in reference to grapes that are grown to make wine and use it for celebration and refreshment. This passage is saying that the wife in the house of a man who fears the Lord will be a refreshment to him. Yes, this is in reference to the physical relationship that sacredly and enthusiastically exists between a husband and wife that results in children, but not that alone. She refreshes him body, soul and mind. This woman is like coming home to a celebration; she causes him to forget the toils and troubles of the day. She is the wise woman who builds her house rather than tears it down with her own hand like a fool. Proverbs 14:1 (Read)

So, how does a women build her house so as to be a fruitful vine to her husband? Well, we know this woman is wise; therefore she fears the Lord. Proverbs 1:7 The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom...

This women trembles at the One who can cast the body and the soul into hell. This womans fear moves her to take refuge in Jesus Christ Himself and draws her near to Him, not away from Him. This woman knows God is to be taken seriously and all that she is, does and attains to, begins, continues and ends with God. She delights in His law and sees His word as Sweeter than honey and more precious than money. Her awe filled delight in the Lord causes her to act- to obey. The woman who fears the Lord sees the verse that says: And the wife must see to it that she respects her husband..... (Eph 6:33) and she takes it seriously. She gets busy seeing to it!

This wise woman cultivates a heart of respect toward the man she is married to. This verse is an imperative, a command, it is telling us that we must continually choose to respect our husbands. Meaning we are called to: Notice him, regard him, honor him, prefer him, praise him, esteem him, love him and admire him exceedingly!

We must respect his position as our head. 1 Cor. 11:3

Our respect will be obvious.

A. Our speech will reflect our respect. The tone of voice, even the words we use. We can easily evaluate how our words are reflecting our heart of respect. Do you interrupt him? Talk in a condescending way to him? Contradict him in front of others? If you do any of these things, you do not respect him.

B. Do not compare him unfavorably to other men or to yourself. Be content with your own husband no matter what. Phil. 4:11

C.Listen carefully to him, and seek his counsel.

A contentious and argumentative woman can by no means be like coming home to a celebration! Proverbs 21:9,Proverbs 19:13

D. Submit! IF you respect him you will obey him as unto the Lord. If you have a hight view of God you will put yourself willingly and joyfully under the God given authority of your husband. Entrust yourself to God and do not be frightened about doing so. God is good and His commands are not burdensome to those who love Him. We know it is for our good and His glory.

So in faith, respect and obey.

We must also cultivate a love for our husbands.

In Titus 2 the older women are to teach the younger women to love their husbands so that the word of God will not be dishonored. The phrase love their husbands is the greek word, Philandros. Philandros means literally "love of man." It is two words, phileo and andros. Phileo means tender affection and andros means man or husband, in this context it is obviously, husband. Your husband must be dear to you. He is your beloved and cherished friend. This means you think about him often and tender feelings come to you. Your heart leaps for joy at the sound of his voice and you long to be in his presence. It is primarily an emotional bond.

If we as younger women must be taught or trained to love our husbands this way, it means we need to have open ears and willing minds to learn and practice and cultivate this love continually.

We can cultivate this love by consistently putting him first. Put him before your girlfriends, ministry, children, job... whatever. Prefer him and come alongside his goals, hopes and dreams and add to them by being helpful, creative and enthusiastic about his plans and ideas. Truly loving your husband is going to mean humbling yourself and thinking of him as better than yourself and putting on the heart of a servant.

Do nice things for him. It can be simple so as to keep it consistent. Make food he enjoys for dinner. Ask him what he wants to eat. Write little notes to show your appreciation to him. Make it a habit to say "I love you." Look for things to thank him for and then thank him. Keep a running list of things you like about him so that when times are tough and you start having unkind thoughts about him, you can fight it by looking at your list and remembering his good qualities.

In order to keep growing in our love we must guard against bitterness. Bitterness will destroy you and your marriage. The Bible says: See to it that no one comes short of the grace of God; that no root of bitterness springing up causes trouble... Heb. 12:15-17

We must be women who forgive. Love covers a multitude of sins. We must not keep a record of wrongs. Do not keep playing sins that your husband commits over and over again in your head. Put on a heart of forgiveness. God takes forgiveness very seriously. ( talk briefly about slave that was forgiven and then would not forgive) Matthew 18: 35 My heavenly father will also do the same to you, if each of you does not forgive his brother from the heart. This is serious stuff! We have been forgiven much through the death of our sinless Lord and savior Jesus Christ. Eph. 4:31-32 Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving each other just as God in Christ has forgiven you. Jesus absorbed the wrath that God rightfully should direct toward us for falling short of His glory by not worshiping Him and thinking about Him as we ought. We are sinners who neglect to love God and obey Him. And because of that we earn something: Death. But those who believe and put their trust in Jesus shall be saved because HE took our death, He died in our place. Now we are forgiven! Our Sins are not counted against us. They are cast away from us as far as the east is from the west! Now we say with the Psalmist, Blessed is the man whose transgression is forgiven, whose sin is covered! How blessed is the man to whom the Lord does not impute iniquity! If God sent His own son to be crushed for our sins and His beloved and only son willingly paid for them and now we are given a clean slate, completely forgiven, not condemned with nothing held against us; rather we are considered righteous because of Jesus our righteous, perfect, pure sacrifice or payment. If we are given His right standing before God as if we are the righteous ones, how can we hold another's sin against us,against them. If we consider the good news of the forgiveness we have received, we will be more eager to forgive others. We must forgive our husbands, we must not hold their sins against them or we will tear down our home with our own two hands and be fruitless vines.

If we want to be wise woman who are a true refreshment to our husbands let us walk in the fear of the Lord, respect and obey our husbands, love them and forgive them.

to my big stud

•Right after Jon and I had bought our first home, his parents thought that would be a good time to bring over all the “treasures” Jon had collected over the years; there were boxes upon boxes of these “treasures.” My sneaky way to get rid of some of that non sense was to offer to help him go through it all (wasn’t I helpful?!). Well, after a lot of work and no sign of ever giving up anything, I asked “Jon, what do you call those people that hold on to EVERYTHING?” (I couldn’t remember what it was, don’t forget English was my second language.) Without hesitation, and with a subtle look on his face, he answered “big stud”. “Yeah, you big stud…” I proceeded to call him. And He responded with “call me that again”…and I did! This wasn’t shaming him as I thought it would, so I asked…again “what’s a stud?” Yeah, the joke was on me!!

•My ignorance and his clever sense of humor has more often than not been a recipe for fun memories.

•His “treasures” are now our kids’ toys and he watches with great delight the joy that they bring to their silly little faces.

To my big stud and to all others out there

Happy Belated Father’s Day!!