Pastoral Thoughts on Modesty Pt 4.

Our nation has long since gone past the time when a woman would blush at a foul word or a man would apologize in a woman’s presence after he spoke roughly. Now speech pours out of the mouths of both sexes with little thought and no concern for modesty. But for a modest woman, this cannot be. There cannot be a disconnect between the dress and the lips. They must complement one another.

In that well known passage of Matthew 15:11-19, Jesus makes it clear that what proceeds from the mouth is simply that which is in the heart. Evil speech, angry words, bitter phrases, suggestive statements, and sensual comments all tell us something about what is in the heart. In Proverbs 6:16-19 we find six things that God hates to the uttermost and three of them have to do with the tongue—the lying tongue, the false witness, and the one who spreads strife. Or, as James reminds us in the third chapter, the tongue is a restless evil that can create untold damage.

The modest woman is modest because her heart is modest. And if her heart is modest then her words ought to model that modesty. Her speech is to be redemptive, pointing to the grace of God in Christ Jesus. Her speech is to be gentle and kind, building up rather than tearing down. She should flee the temptation to utter that crass joke or use language that is simply cheap.

I have witnessed in my life beautiful women who sliced and diced with their tongues. They were gossips and backbiters. They loved to have their little gatherings where tea was sipped and secrets discussed. In today’s world of instant communication much immodesty flows over text messages and internet posts.

But not the modest woman. She guards her lips and considers the effects of her words. [S]he who guards [her] mouth and [her] tongue, Guards [her] soul from troubles (Proverbs 21:23).

She understands that her tongue is to be a tool to spread knowledge not folly (Proverbs 15:2).

She values a mouth that is known to be as choice silver (Proverbs 10:20).

As David declared in his longest Psalm, "Let my tongue sing of Thy word . . ." (119:172).

A modest woman understands these things and seeks to employ her tongue in a manner consistent with her faith. She remembers that she is a woman saved by grace and therefore is resistant to harsh comments of others who may have failed. She contemplates how her words help prepare people for the gospel of Jesus Christ and seeks to decrease rather than increase. She seeks to say what needs to be said with little words rather than many.

Pastoral Thoughts on Modesty Pt 3.

So far in this little series on modesty we have seen the foundation for modesty and the heart that creates true modesty. Now we come to the application of modesty. In other words, how do adorn the woman’s body in such a manner so as to reflect the supremacy of Christ over her body, the beauty of the female form without exploiting it, and be a testimony of the grace of God in the gospel.

We again look to our passage, 1 Timothy 2:9-10, "Likewise, I want women to adorn themselves with proper clothing, modestly and discreetly, not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly garments; but rather by means of good works, as befits women making a claim to godliness."

There are three aspects of clothing and attire that Paul addresses in verse 9 that help us. The woman is to "adorn" (kosmeo–cosmetics) themselves in three specific ways: properly, modestly, and discreetly. We could break these down individually but instead I want to simply consider what they are all saying as a group.

First, the church is not a place to be showing off our clothing. It is not a place to display our political preferences. It is not a place to display our money. Rather, it is a place to give refuge and welcome to all who are in Christ. I am speaking here of our sisters-in-Christ. Men need to practice self-control when around anyone immodestly dressed, but they should never have to run away from a sister!

Second, I believe that one can be modest and yet very indiscreet. I remember as a young boy being entranced by this one woman’s mink stole, complete with glass eyes and a mouth that now functions as a alligator clasp. She always sat in front of me and whenever she wore that thing all I could do is look at it and want to pet it. Nothing else. I still remember the slap I got from my mom because finally I got the courage to actually pet it during communion—not a good idea. But I can make the same argument when a girl decides she is going to go with a bright purple, sparkle look in her hair. Is she truly seeking to discreetly blend in on Sunday?

Third, clothing communicates information to those around you; without even realizing it, there is a uniform that we all wear. When we go to see the Brewers or Cubs game there are all sorts of identifying clothes. Baseball players in uniforms, umpires, beer salesmen. In our society there are those who are punk, goth, emo, jocks, geeks, and such. Their clothing often defines them, though often the claim is that they just like dressing that way. But the reason that they dress that way is because they fit into a group.

Let me give a few practical points that bring all of this into focus:

To see a person’s underwear is simply inappropriate and immodest. This includes low pants, tight pants or shirts, sheer clothing, low cut shirts, etc.

To be more specific, no man other than your husband, should no what color your bra or your underwear are. Never. I don’t care how hot it is, underwear is never a fashion statement for a modest woman.

There are shirts that are fine when you stand in front of a mirror, but open up completely when you sit down. I am thinking right now of men who have talked to me about how they have had to move from where they normally sat in our church service simply because of a woman who would bend over for a hymnal or to get in her purse, and . . . well you know.

Let me close out this post with a testimony of a young man in my church. I asked him to simply share the issue of modesty from his perspective as a college student:

As a college student, each and every day on campus is a battle—a battle against my sin, a battle against temptation, a battle against my sin nature. Every morning I have to cry out for mercy, strength, and a renewed conviction to flee youthful lusts. The Spirit is faithful to bring me the renewal I need to prepare me to do war against my sin, yet the temptation still exists.

I am thankful God has created me to be attracted to women. However, campus is a loaded minefield. There are girls everywhere. And it’s guaranteed I will pass some attractive girls as I walk between classes. I either have to actively be engaging my mind and my spirit to pray, quoting Scripture, listening to worship music, or simply looking at the sidewalk to make it through unscathed. Many days it takes all four to be safe.

The thing that women do not seem to fully grasp is that the temptation towards lust does not stop for us as men. It is continual. It is aggressive. It does all it can to lead men down to death. And women have a choice—to help or to deter its goal.

Sometimes when I see a girl provocatively dressed I’ll say to myself, "She probably doesn’t even know that a101 guys are going to devour her in their minds today." But then again, maybe she does. To be honest, I don’t know the truth of why she chooses to dress the way she does, the way she chooses to walk, the way she chooses to act, I don’t know because I’ve never asked. All I need to know is that the way she presents herself to the world is bait for my sinful mind to latch onto, and I need to avoid it all costs.

For the most part, the church serves as a sanctuary from the continual barrage of temptation towards sin. However, the church’s members are not yet free from sin, and there are girls both ignorant and knowledgeable of men’s sinful tendencies.

Pastoral Thoughts on Modesty Pt 2.

1 Timothy 2:9-10, "Likewise, I want women to adorn themselves with proper clothing, modestly and discreetly, not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly garments; but rather by means of good works, as befits women making a claim to godliness."

My first post on modesty dealt with the foundation of God’s glory and His gospel. Without those two, inter-related truths capturing our hearts, modesty will always fail. But with those two truths saturating our souls we are able to begin to consider what modesty is and what it looks like. I envision three posts that will help us see modesty rightly and fully. They will focus on the modest heart, the modest body, and the modest mouth. Before continuing I must express my indebtedness to C. J. Mahaney and his efforts on this whole subject. May God bless this effort.

Too often the first thing people begin to do when considering modesty is to zip up, pull up (or down depending on the clothing), cover up, and such. In other words, the exterior is the focus. But this is simple futility in action for an immodest heart, modestly attired is an ugly and deadly thing to behold. But a modest heart shall never allow immodest attire.

What is a modest heart? It is one that desires and values and exalts modesty. It begins in the heart and flows outward; and if it fails in the heart, then it simply fails. You can have a modest exterior that is covering a very immodest heart. And you can easily fall into the trap of thinking that modesty is simply being properly covered up. As Mahaney said it so well, "We must address the heart first and not the hemline."

But what is at the core of immodesty? It is a heart of pride. Immodesty is nothing more than an outward expression of a heart of pride. One that seeks for others' eyes and focus to be upon yourself rather than on the Lord. Therefore, modesty is more than simply wearing a low cut shirt. Immodesty reveals the heart to be arrogant.

Modesty, on the other hand, is humility expressed in dress. Modesty is the desire to serve others in your dress. No woman show dress in a manner that would hinder their ability to serve others, especially men. Men should not have to avoid any sister in Christ; rather, they should be very secure around them.

The heart of a modest woman seeks to be known by her good works rather than her appearance. That is what she most highly prizes, the character qualities that delight God rather than those qualities in which the culture delight. Notice what our passage says in verse 10, "...rather by means of good works, as befits women making a claim to godliness." In Paul’s mind, the dress has a direct connection to the reputation that a woman possesses within the Church. Notice how the contrast is being made. It is NOT, modest versus immodesty. It is really immodesty versus good works. There is a vital connection on how a woman dresses and how she serves.

1 Peter 3:2-4 gives us additional information regarding the heart of a modest woman. Notice that it is a chaste (pure, holy) and respectful behavior. In addition there is the (vs 4) gentle and quiet spirit. Then, Peter makes the key explanation as to why a godly woman would wish this—it is precious to God. Which causes a modest heart to sing! But makes an immodest heart grimace.

Back in 1 Timothy we see that the heart of a modest woman seeks to be discreet (vs 9). This speaks of the practice of prudence, good judgment, moderation, self-control. In other words, when you dress so as to be noticed, you are not dressing correctly. Frankly your dress should not be a point of distraction even if it is "modest." A sloppy, unkempt appearance can be as distracting as immodest dress. I am not talking about a person who is poor. I am talking about sloppy, uncaring dress. Where comfort reigns supreme over consideration of others.

Paul says to use self-control, be discreet when you choose your clothing. I believe it is Joshua Harris who said that it is one thing to dress attractively and another thing to dress to attract. Now let me just spend a little time on that attitude of "self-control." I think it is much misunderstood. First a few questions: Do we desire to be noticed? Are we noticed nonetheless? Do we create a negative reaction by our dress or demeanor?

To argue for purple hair, spiked hair, 5 inch nails, extreme body piercings and jewelry, clothing five sizes to big, shirts too tight, etc is to make a mockery of what "self-control" means. At the very core of the decision making is the usual argument, "but I like it." Which simply means that they are not controlling themself. Do not miss this point, for it is critical to a mature understanding of a heart of modesty. To have "self-control" means you control your wants and desires. Your dress needs to manifest that type of heart. One that makes you not the deciding factor in your attire, but rather one that flows from a heart that seeks to manifest humility and desire to serve your brethren.

Allow me to end this post with three questions that C. J. Mahaney developed for his own church:

1. What statement do your clothes make about your heart?

2. Is your shopping for clothes and purchase of clothes informed and governed by modesty and self-control?

3. In choosing the clothing that you wore today, whose attention did you desire? Whose approval did you crave?

Pastoral Thoughts on Modesty Pt. 1

Happy Monday! The girls and I asked Pastor Matt (or Dad, as I like to call him) to be our guest blogger this week and give us some thoughts on modesty while we enjoy a break from blogging. :)

"When I was asked to write this article on modesty, I began to think how best to approach it without merely repeating my sermon. This then led to ‘brain-freeze’ as I had many other things on my mind at the time. But, as I continued to give it thought, I realized that there were two over-arching issues that had to be made clear: The first, the glory of God and second, the glory of His gospel. If these are not what drives it all then I am a sad creature who at best can speak of morality but offer no hope or true direction. So allow me to start with these two points and then build from there (I already pity my poor daughter who must edit this for I sense many words flowing into my mind).

First modesty must be for the glory of God. Not so that your husband does not see a scantily-clad woman and lust. Not so that you don’t feel uncomfortable because there are women around you with beautiful, young bodies with which you can’t compete. Not because as a man you are tired of looking at the floor more than what lies ahead of you. Not because . . . anything else.

Why is there immodesty in this world? There is a famine in the land for the glory of God to be preeminent! It really is that simple. Romans 1:20-23 makes it clear that the chief sin of mankind is to give glory to the creation and not the Creator. But right after that there is a key word that helps us in this subject of modesty, "therefore." The result of honoring the creation over the Creator? We are given over to degrading passions of every type. Therefore, immodesty is merely the outworking of people who delight in their glory rather that the glory of their Creator. And that is exactly what we see in the garden in the beginning isn’t it? No sin, and man and woman are happily naked without even knowing it and it was very good. Sin comes into the picture and now they are ashamed and God must cover them with clothing. And from that moment on, we have been using clothing and the lack thereof to encourage eyes and minds to look at the creature and forget the Creator.

Therefore, the first answer within the Church and within Christian homes to promote true modesty requires that fathers and mothers to stop focusing on themselves, their children, their IRAs, their lawns, and their comforts and start focusing upon the glory of God. We need to see repentance take place in our hearts as we see the various ways we have usurped the glory of God for our own glory. We need to humble ourselves under the mighty hand of God and reorient our goals and passions toward Him. And only then can we begin to truly consider modesty.

The second point is closely aligned with the first for the gospel of God IS the glory of God! 2 Corinthians 4:4 reminds us that Satan is busy obscuring the glory of the gospel, Jesus Christ. And one simple way this is done is by the showing of just a hint of cleavage , the sensuous swing of hips, or the inviting uplifting of the eyebrows as a young man is invited to look at that which does not belong to him. The gospel is all about the mercies of God toward a rebellious people. It is the sovereign act of God to redeem for Himself a people for His Name. And when those people who purport to bear His Name comport themselves in an immodest manner they deny the soul-saving, life-altering, Christ-exalting, hope-filled gospel that saved them.

And so, the first step in becoming modest is to repent of ourselves and the love we pour upon ourselves. And only then will the words that follow make sense.

Dressing to Adorn the Gospel - Pt 2

In my first post the heart of modesty was dealt with, today we're getting practical.

When thinking about all the previously said things, I began to think about the statement that husbands and fathers put their wives and daughters in a dangerous position when they do not guard them in this way. It was stated that these women were 'unloved'. Rick and I began discussing what some of these dangers are. So, what danger are we put in when we are unguarded? Here are some things that Rick came up with that I have been thinking about. I hope this might be of some help to those of us that might be struggling in this area right now.

One danger is that we dishonor the word of God. Titus 2 lists the things that a woman ought to be so that she would not bring dishonor to the word of God. Being discreet and chaste are part of that list. 1 Tim. 2:9 says, "women are to adorn themselves in modest apparel, with propriety and moderation, not with braided hair or gold or pearls or costly clothing, BUT, that which is proper for women professing godliness with good works." Do we profess godliness? Are we reflecting that in how we dress? Are we in fact being discreet and chaste? If not, then we are giving room for the gospel of Christ to be mocked! Dear sisters this is not what we want to do!

We also are opened up to ruining our name. Our own reputation is tarnished. What husband and father who loves you wants that? What woman wants that for herself? Prov. 22:1 says, "A good name is to be more desired than silver or gold." Dressing immodestly opens you up to all sorts of accusations. Some guys may think you're "easy" or that you will do things that you would never do. People may say you have done things you have not, but they are believed simply because you look like the sort that would. I'm not saying this is always fair, but it is a fact of life.

You may attract unwanted attention. Young unmarried ladies beware, you may be attracting the wrong kind of men! Do you want to marry a man who loves God? A man with a pure heart? A man who pursues and delights in righteousness? You ain't gonna find one dressing like a Prov. 7 woman! A godly man will avoid you because he will see you as a danger to his soul! I'm serious! God is gracious, but as a good friend of mine, Gina, likes to say "DO NOT TEMPT YOUR LORD." So do not think "God will give me a good man anyway, things will work out in the end."

Another danger is that you are made vulnerable to men who seek to devour you - not only their eyes, but physically! I don't think any woman asks to be raped, kidnapped, or murdered. But there are men, evil men, who are lurking about looking for a victim! Don't be stupid! Being out with those who are up no good, or being out late, doing who-knows-what in the wee hours of the morning, dressing to kill makes you an easy target! Yes there are those who are raped and killed that were guarded and protected and wise in their choices, but they are harder to get to. Don't make it easy for evil men to hurt you!

You may also ruin your father/husbands reputation. You can do him harm by dressing immodestly! Do not be the woman who destroys her own home with her own two hands! Do not be the rottenness in your husband’s bones! (Prov.12:4;14)

We are called to a life of self-control. Do not be like the woman in Prov. 5:6. She does not ponder the path of life, her ways are unstable and she doesn't know it! Ponder the path of life. Be wise and sober-minded. You have been taught well. Live it out! Build your house. Build a good reputation. Glorify God in all aspects of your life. Put yourself in order. Be the crown of your husband! Be the kind of woman a righteous man is looking for! Adorn the gospel so that you can serve others freely! Modesty is relevant no matter what stage of life you are in.

Oh, how I desire to honor God in this! Let us take all that we have heard in the sermon to heart. Let's make it easy on our husbands and fathers as they lead and disciple us. Just as we are commanded to make sure that we are a joy to our elders as they shepherd us, let's do the same for the heads of our households. Don't fight! Make their job pleasurable. Also, don't use the excuse that they don't care how you dress. Because God does!

Here are some links to articles I have found helpful: The Modesty Heart Check , C.J Mahaney's series on modesty( he has a 7 part series) The Rebelution's Modesty Survey

Dressing to Adorn the Gospel - Pt 1

This time of year brings me thoughts about how I dress more than any other time. This is because this is the time of year where bikinis, shorts, and skimpy shirts are the norm. As someone set apart by the grace of God through Jesus, I need to ask myself, do I adorn the gospel in my life? In particular, does this affect how I dress? If all things are to be done for the glory of God, does that include putting on a shirt? I think so. I admit that there are times, much to my shame, that I give very little, if any, thought to God when I pick out my clothes. This is why I am writing this post. I want to remind myself of some of the things I learned when my pastor preached on modesty a year ago. If you would like to hear the sermon for yourself, it is on sermon audio.

In our pastor’s sermon, we learned that the way we adorn ourselves is a reflection of the heart. Dressing modestly springs from a heart of humility and a desire to serve others. I understand that some who dress modestly may be motivated by spiritual pride, but that doesn't excuse us from obeying our Lord. As those who follow Jesus, we dress modestly because we are commanded to. We honor God in obeying so I think dressing properly can reflect a love for God and the Gospel. We were challenged to serve our brothers in Christ by dressing modestly. We saw in the sermon that we have the ability to help them in their battle against lust. As fellow soldiers in the battle against sin, we ought to delight in doing whatever we can to help.

The men were pled with to protect their wives and daughters. Protecting them from other men devouring them with their eyes was one thing in particular that was mentioned. A great point! I know that some may be put off by the fact that it seemed to be more about protecting men that have no control over themselves while putting all the blame on us women, but I didn't take it that way. Even if that were true, the first and last sermon in the series will help in understanding that we do need to put others first and serve them. This includes serving brothers in Christ, by dressing modestly. We should desire their good and the good of the church as whole. It was also mentioned that, of course, there are those who will lust anyway. There are those who are looking to see things they ought not see. So let's not give them anything to see!

We must understand that we are in a battle against those that desire our harm and desire to dishonor us as women by looking at things they shouldn't. We cannot do battle by giving them what they want. Ladies, let's battle by dressing in a pure and God honoring way. We need a Christ centered mindset in order to do this. If indeed, we love the One, Jesus, who loved us and gave Himself for us, we want to display His glory, grace, compassion, and holiness in all we say, do, and put on.

On Thursday we will discuss the dangers we put ourselves in, when not dressing modestly.