When The Joy is Gone

Depression is not something I would say that I struggle with, but to my surprise and dismay I have found myself fighting this battle all too many times. Trials, physical pain, stress, sin, and yes, hormones, can put any of us on this path. Like a thief in the night, there have been times when utter darkness and pure misery have attacked my soul, when the desire to quit and stop trying are a real temptation, and when I begin to question: Why God feels so far away? And why do I feel so alone?

You should be laughing by now “four little boys…and you feel alone, that’s nuts!” And it is nuts and a real tragedy, for when one lives by sight and not by faith - it robs you of joy and self pity becomes your best friend. I wish I could tell you that I have fought this fight with grace and faith, one on each hand, but all too often I’ve given into the struggle and have found a pit of immense sorrow. What’s worse is that what I needed the most was first pushed aside - God's Word. You literately rely on others reminding you of that Truth. And of others to pray with you, because you’re so far you can’t even see it.

By His grace I have found that faith and joy are not simply a feeling but are a CHOICE.

In the book of Philippians, Paul writes from jail calling them to “Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!” (Phil 4:4). Sometimes our circumstances are nothing but depressing and it’s quite easy to plead discouragement or despair. Paul didn’t let his circumstances dictate his heart attitude. His utter dependence on God produced the faith and joy he was able to practice when suffering persecution.

In Charles Spurgeon bio The Great Orator, he says this:

We need clouds and darkness to exercise our faith; to cut off self-dependence, and make us put more faith in Christ, and less in evidence, less in experience, less in frames and feelings.

As women, our sight and feelings can make us or break us at times. We look for the person or the feeling that can comfort us. Well, in my search for that feeling I found Jesus. "The Word..." (John 1:1)literally became flesh and when I look to Jesus, everything He said and did is personal and full of emotions—He understands our state, BUT we must keep looking to Jesus to know what to do with that feeling or that situation. He trusted the Father and humbly submitted to His will.

So now I look at my “dark” days differently—I know that they are as needed as the up-beat days that are full of joy. They are opportunities to exercise my need and utter dependence on Christ.