A Week Down Memory Lane

This week was a little strange for me; it seemed like every little thing that happened overwhelmed my senses with a flood of memories. It was a bit distracting, but good at the same time. My life played out in my mind like it was happening at that very moment; everything from the most horrible things in my childhood to the most tender and intimate moments with my husband to the birth of my children - it was weird. :)

One morning this week, when my husband got out of bed and walked across the room, our wedding night flashed before my eyes. I guess something about the way he walked across the room triggered it. My heart literally began to pound hard, I started shaking and giggling to myself a bit. I felt transported through time! I remembered everything. I felt in that moment the way I felt that night. I remembered how nervous Rick seemed and how calm that began to make me. I remembered him reading the Song of Solomon out loud to me and I literally felt the jitters I felt then - it was kind of funny once I snapped out of it.

We took our kids to the State Fair this past week and as we walked through the barn where the cows were, the sights and smells took me back to the farm I lived on when I was 5 and living in Missouri. I could literally feel the roughness of the rope in my hands that I used to use to walk my baby calf. I remembered how heavy the bottles we used to feed the calves felt to me at 5 years old. I felt the rush of excitement as me and my sister would slide down what we called "Dookey Hill". We were allowed to pet one of the calves and as my hand stroked it's back I could see myself chasing the cows through the fields and I almost started to laugh like a little kid until I remembered where we were.

Saturday morning I went upstairs to wake Silas up and the kid wouldn't budge, which is so unlike him. For a moment I saw him in the Hospital bed with tubes everywhere, I started to cry, and then he stirred awake and back to the present I came.

Sunday night at Small Group I held Brittany's beautiful baby boy and the birth of Silas came flooding into my mind. I remembered trying to laugh at something Rick said while I was in labor, turning to my side, closing my eyes and groaning.

I don't know why these things came to my mind so vividly this week, only that they did and I am grateful even for the painful memories that I have no desire to share, because it all caused me to reflect on the grace of God in my life.

I had and have nothing to offer God. He in all the mystery and beauty that is God chose to bestow on me His tender love, mercy and grace. He saved me at a young age and has changed my life and all I could hope for, to a life that I would have never pictured for myself.

I have joy I never thought possible just knowing I am loved and provided for by God. I can reflect on the few trials I have experienced in my short life, and rejoice in the God who was strengthening me and perfecting my faith. I can look at the joys I have experienced and just be grateful.

This week has caused me to look forward to life lived and memories made in Jesus. I am not promised an easy life, but I am promised an abundant life because I share in the joy of my Master, and look forward to sharing in His joy in this life and in eternity.