Thoughts on Friendship

Over at Boundless, Suzanne Hadley writes about the 5 friends every woman should have.

1. The Intercessor

2. The Celebrator

3. The Encourager

4. The Teacher

5. The Questioner

A while back ago I came across this article and I would encourage anyone interested on becoming a better friend to read it. If you are interested on my initial reaction to this article, you can read it here.

Lately I have been pondering what makes a bad friend. You know, the kind of friend every woman wants to avoid!

I have been thinking about it because I want to avoid being such a person. I do not want to be the kind of person saying, " I really don't know why they avoid me all the time." or "I don't understand why we don't get together much anymore." or, " We used to be close and now they seem constantly annoyed by me." I guess this would seem somewhat selfish, but I think being a good friend and enjoying good God-given relationships, gives glory to God. It certainly provides opportunities to encourage one another to persevere until the day of the Lord. Whereas, if you are a bad friend, you will have a hard time maintaining any sort of meaningful, helpful relationships.

So, here are few types of friends I think we all avoid and should avoid being.

1. The Arrogant. This is the person who thinks very highly of his/her self. This person frequently compares themself to you and usually comes out on top. They spend much time showing off their wisdom, knowledge and superior preferences. Their thoughts and ways of doing things are always superior to yours. They make you feel like everything is a competition and that you are competing way out of your league. This person's mannerisms and tone of voice drives you crazy.

The rest of these are really outworkings of the arrogant.

2. The Wounder. Yes, Faithful are the wounds of a friend and deceitful are the kisses of an enemy, but COME ON.... it's not the only thing friends do. A friend is also friendly. Do you always feel compelled to correct? Have you ever thought of encouraging more than you correct or criticize? If the wounding must take place, is it out of a motive to express love and build them up in the faith? Do they understand it is for their good? Have you previously been encouraging and a faithful friend in other areas? If you are known for wounding, you will find yourself without friends, plain and simple.

3.The Belittler. This is someone who takes as many opportunities as they can to cut you down. You are a Belittler if the people around you always expect you to mock them and put down their ideas and way of doing things. They make fun of your job, education, family, recreation, hobbies- your general likes and dislikes. The belittler's children are always better than yours and the way they run their family is better as well.

4.The Gossip. This is an obvious one. This is the woman who has the attitude that Clairee (Steel Magnolias) had. " If you don't have anything nice to say, come sit by me". We need to avoid such a friend and avoid being such a "friend".

5.The instigator/meddler. This is the woman who loves to tell you how things should be done in your household. She doesn't mind mocking or criticizing your husband. She enjoys telling you that you and your husband are doing things wrongly.

I need to ask if I see myself in any of these. Do my friends see any of this? Maybe a good way to evaluate, would be to look around and see if I have any real friends. Do people avoid me? Have I been able to successfully maintain close relationships? If not, why not?