My Dad

This coming Friday, April 23rd, marks the first anniversary of my Dad's death. Its been a very "different" year for me.

Before he died, I depended on him to always provide good advice. Whenever we ran into a problem with the house or the car or really anything, I would call him first. He seemed to be able to fix anything too. Over the years he taught Dan how to do many things. Dan said that my Dad was more of a Dad to him than his own Dad (Dan's Dad had divorced his Mom while he was in junior high and moved away.) This past year it was strange not to be able to just call him and know that by the time we hung up the phone, I would know just what to do.


Another thing that made this year so "different" was his absence whenever we went to visit my Mom. I still think that as soon as he hears our voices there, that he will be coming up in a few seconds from his downstairs workshop and greet us. But, then I realize that hes gone and that he won't be "right up". It a lonely, strange sensation.

Holidays were "different" this year too. It seemed like there was a hole in our family. I realized that he was the one who really held our family together and made family get-togethers fun. Now that he is gone, I don't enjoy holidays anymore. They are just like normal days and I am not interested in celebrating.

I have watched my Mom struggle through the loneliness and grief. She depended on my Dad so much that when it came time to mow the lawn and removing snow from the driveway, she really had no idea how to get the mower or snowblower going. But, for each new thing that she had to, she found a note there with step-by-step directions that my Dad had purposely left for her. It must have been so hard for him to realize that he wouldn't be there to help her. I think it really showed how much he loved her.

When he died, I couldn't cry for him. I guess I was just numb. I also thought about him being in Heaven with Jesus, full of joy. How could I be sad when I knew that he was happy? But, just since Easter, my grief has finally shown itself. Easter of 2009 was the last time I saw him and talked with him. Just days later I saw him in the hospital and he was so pale and was in and out of consciousness. He died within 3 days of being admitted to the hospital.

He was such a good and loving Dad to me. I miss him so much. I am looking forward to the day I will be with him in Heaven. These lyrics from an old hymn come to mind often: "when we all get to Heaven, what a day of rejoicing that will be. When we all see Jesus, we'll sing and shout the victory" That will be a great day indeed!