Talking about Marriage

I am taking a class taught by Mrs. Tanya York for my Seminary Wives Institute on Marriage and Family. I am SO enjoying it! We are reading the book "Creative Counterpart" by Linda Dillow, which I am finding phenomenally helpful. As God's providence would have it, we are also taking a discipleship class on Strengthening Your Marriage (both Ryan and I) which has also been awesome! We so greatly desire to have a marriage which honors Christ and lives out the love, grace and mercy... the beauty of the gospel! I am learning so much and being blessed beyond what I can imagine!

One aspect of my weekly homework is a list of questions pertaining to the specific subject that we are studying that week, to discuss with my husband. The questions are designed to promote communication with your spouse about important issues that affect your marriage. Each week has been very beneficial and practical. As most of you who know Ryan and I, we talk plenty so giving us specific questions to discuss doesn't find us giving one-word shallow answers. We end up having wonderful conversations and discussing spiritual matters. This week was probably Ryan's favorite (you can guess what we this week's class was about!) We went out on a date and discussed our answers to the questions over a very pleasant dinner at a local restaurant/pub. We ended up sitting in the van and talking for quite awhile after we had left the restaurant. I will really miss having such great questions to prompt our discussions after my class is finished. As such I thought that you married ladies might enjoy it if I shared a couple of the questions, so that maybe you and your husband might have a great conversation during a date, or over a cup of hot cocoa, or some evening while lying in bed snuggling. Just make sure that you don't spring these on your husband without warning. Maybe you could explain where you got them from and plan a special time/date night, etc. to discuss and (Lord willing) be blessed by your time together.Give him time to answer. Be prepared to listen (we ladies do so much talking; let your husband do most of the talking!) Don't be overly sensitive to his answers if they were unexpected. Show love and grace and mercy as you have been shown by Jesus! And one more helpful hint: body language speaks volumes... make sure you give your undivided attention to your husband. Lean forward with your body, look him in the eyes and smile encouragingly at him as he talks. Don't interrupt him and don't be argumentative or critical.

Here's some of the questions... May they bless you as they have blessed us.

Rekindling the Spark:

What are your memories of first meeting your mate? Of your first date? Of your first kiss? Of your most hilarious romantic moment?

Do You Really Know Your Husband:

What is the happiest thing that has ever happened to your husband? What has been the hardest experience of his life? What are his secret ambitions / goals for his life? What are his deepest fears? What about you does he admire the most? What traits of yours would he like to see changed? What man or men does he most admire?

What has especially pleased your spouse during the past month? What does your spouse worry about? Name one specific thing that would make your spouse feel special or loved.

Spiritual growth Questions: These questions are only good when both spouses are believers.

In what ways are you working individually to develop a deeper faith and Christian spirituality? In what ways are you working together as a couple to develop a deeper faith and Christian spirituality? What kind of support does your spouse need from you to nurture their spirituality? (and vice versa) What are we successfully doing in growing together spiritually as a couple? What are some things we can do to improve?

Love Talk Questions:

What do you really enjoy about our sex life? What would make it better for you? What is your ideal "perfect" romantic, sexual encounter? How could I be a better lover? How do you feel about the frequency of our love making? What barriers will we need to overcome for both of us to be satisfied with our sex life and entire relationship? How can we get started?


So, married ladies... I would highly recommend the above mentioned book by Linda Dillow "Creative Counterpart" as well as her book "Intimate Issues". And I would remind you all that with all of these questions, you should seek to honor and respect your husband. Do not ask any questions that will not accomplish that goal (honoring and respecting him) or edify him.